i don’t expect anyone to read this, nor do i expect anyone to care, i just needed a place to write down and express my feelings other than too a friend or in a “diary” which i don’t have paper for in the first place. You see, Back in January i was introduced to a wonderful heart felt guy, At first we really only talked on the inter webs, but i can assure you that he actually made me smile and laugh out loud. which i don’t usually do to things said to me over the internet. He was as you could say my best friend.. in a way. i felt like i could tell him anything and not be judged but helped. We talked on the phone every night till god knows when, and when we got off we’d text until one of us fell asleep on each other. i cant exactly say i was the only one to talk to him on the phone, my mother as well loved talking to him. i loved that my family loved him. but before anything happened, i hung out with him he was quiet and claimed he was “shy” i believed it up until i hung out with him for the third time along with one of my other friends, lord was he anything but shy he was loud, and funny, and just made me laugh soo hard. He stole my phone only for me to come and take it from him, and when he did leave, he fell down the stairs and ripped out my mail box… ahha. You know when you see someone and you just have that instant connection with them , without even talking to them? this is how i felt with him. i felt right away and i knew right away that i was going to end up liking him. We had a thing for awhile, and it was great, i remember the first time i hung out with just him and i we went on a round trip bus ride and said he was holding my hand for “warmth” than when we got off the bus, i told him i had balance and he didn’t believe me so he hip checked me into a pile of snow, but helped me up afterwards and hugged me,he than waited for the bus with me, and before it came he gave me a bear hug, and legitly lifted me off my feet, he than hugged me for a bit, and when the bus came, he asked to kiss me, i told him he had cooties but i didn’t mind. and he did. it was nice. i got on the bus happiest girl in the world. i didn’t really tell anyone about this situation and i honestly didn’t think i liked him that much, every morning id wake up to a warm text from him telling me to have a good day and that i was beautiful and what not.the feelings for each other grew more and more, and about a month later he actually asked me out, and of course i said yes without hesitation. This boy could not make me anymore happy than i was already, we never fought not once unless it was about some stupid shit like why these people were in jail or what not but never an actual fight. but one day we just didn’t talk, for the amount of time we were hanging out, he caved in and said sorry about 3 billion times, i forgave him but i knew when i was saying goodbye, it’d be the last time i kissed him. a few minutes later while busing home i got a text asking if he thought we rushed into too quick, i agreed but i could say it was the greatest thing i rushed into, we broke up, he still called me every night to tell me goodnight, i still got text from him, he still liked me and i still liked him. but i think he was waiting for me to come around, i never did. i should have. its weird, i haven’t seen nor barley talked to him in more than 4 months and i still have strong feelings for him? how could this be. I honestly don’t know. He moved onto someone much better than me, and i wont deny that. I didn’t move on. Hes living the life and i’m trying my best to get through to the new year. I knew him soo well, now hes merely a stranger to me. I’m in love with a stranger. I apologize for my white girl sappy i hate my lyfe drama tumblr. i just felt the need to express my self somewhere.